Miserable For No Reason

Mihai Căsălean

15 Jun 2024 — 3 min read

One autumn day, to capture my distress, I took a photo of myself before going to work. It revealed something that scared me—the anxiety could be read on my face. There’s something unpleasant about this picture. I usually do not look like that, and I never display anything but a smile. However, something was happening then.

In August 2023, I arrived in the Netherlands for the first time and went straight to Leeuwarden, where a college dorm room was already waiting for me. It took me less than three weeks to find a job and apply for student financing from the government. Everything went smoothly, and by the end of September, when most of my colleagues were frantically looking for a job, I was already receiving the much-needed money for subsistence.

August 15th, 2023 — after 11 days of living in Leeuwarden, I finally got my Burgerservicenummer (BSN), the document without which I could not do anything official in the Netherlands: study, work, nothing. As soon as I received it, I started looking for a job on the streets of Leeuwarden. Most recruitment agencies here fail to find jobs for international students, so I had to take matters into my own hands.

After a few days of searching, on the 25th of August, I found Rhodos Palace, a Greek restaurant that hired international students. The pay was decent, the schedule was appropriate, and the place was close to home—everything seemed perfect! However, as the months went by, I started feeling increasingly anxious about going to work. It had nothing to do with my boss, colleagues, or the work itself. It was me who could not stand the idea of having to do something I did not particularly enjoy.

My fellow students call me Mihai; for my workmates, I am Michael (or Mike). I love school and feel blessed to have had the opportunity to find and keep a job for almost a year now, while also performing well in school. It's something not everyone can manage. Whenever I feel like I don't want to go to work, I ask myself, "Would you rather stay home and not earn any money? How would you survive then?"

My answer to that is, "I am very fortunate. With minimal effort (three hours in the evening, from Friday to Sunday), I earn a salary and three times that money as student financing simply because I spend nine hours a week (!) washing dishes in a restaurant. Is that something to complain about?"

This self-encouragement helps me move forward and realize how fortunate I am, considering how little effort I need to maintain this luck. In psychology, this process is known as cognitive reframing, "a technique used to shift your mindset so you're able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective." (Morin, 2023)

As soon as I started viewing the problem from a different angle, I realized that studying every single day would drive me crazy. Instead, allocating three days a week to non-intellectual tasks like washing dishes keeps me motivated and balanced. It's a necessary break that contributes to my mental and physical well-being.

This realization changed my life. I began to view my work as an opportunity rather than a burden. I started going to work with a big smile on my face (sometimes intrinsic, sometimes extrinsic), knowing that my efforts in the kitchen contribute to giving people an unforgettable experience, help the business succeed, and provide me with a chance to unwind after a week of intense intellectual work.