The Sad Lives of the Happy People
There is a difference between happiness and contentment. Even if someone can fake happiness, a lack of contentment can slowly eat away at them from the inside. It is very hard to tell whether someone is content or not. Sometimes, we don’t even know if we are satisfied with our own lives. How, then, can we expect to read others like an open book?
We all know some people who are always smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves, spreading joy to everyone around them. But are all those happy people actually happy? The most shocking realization for me was that the biggest smile can hide the most terrible pain. When I began struggling myself, I realized that sad people often don't want to share their sadness with others, as they don't want to bring others down. They try to make everyone else happy so that no one will feel as they do. Learning this changed my whole perception of the world. I started questioning everyone’s mental state, which made me more compassionate but also more sensitive to every piece of bad news I heard.
People often struggle to handle loss properly. Losing loved ones, breaking up with a partner, being fired, or being robbed are all common examples of losses we encounter at some point in our lives. People fear loss—both material and, more importantly, emotional loss. The real pain comes from losing the relationship we had with that person or object. We do not cry over losing money itself; we cry over losing the ability to buy certain things or to enjoy certain freedoms. When we break up with someone, the real pain does not come from not seeing that person anymore; it comes from realizing that, even if we were to see them again, we could not reestablish the connection we once had.
I am doing my Bachelor's degree in the Netherlands and am surrounded by young adults from around the world. Of course, I am one myself. After spending almost a year in college, I have realized that even some of the most extroverted students can feel lonely inside. When they close the doors of their rented apartments in cities they aren't familiar with, in a country where they do not feel at home, silence begins. And silence hurts. It cuts deeply into the soul.
They are good people and remarkable students, but they struggle. Some have ill parents at home, some lack enough money to survive, and some are rejected by those around them for the way they look, talk, or behave. These people do not go around every day talking about how hard their life is. They are the most compassionate people, keeping their struggles to themselves in an effort to protect everyone else. But what happens when everything that's bottled up inside finally explodes?
Born in 1911, Maria was one of the happiest people I've ever seen. Her big smile and joyful eyes lit up every room she entered. Although she died long before I was born, I got to know her through her appearances on TV, in books, and on the internet. She was a renowned folk singer-songwriter who, despite not knowing how to read or write, composed some of the most beautiful traditional songs in our country.
Those who met her described her as the happiest person they had ever seen. “Her eyes are so beautiful because she had such a good soul,” an old lady once said. Someone from another part of the country thought, “She must be living a happy and fulfilling life since her songs are so joyful and her voice so beautiful.” Upon her death in 1972, people were shocked to discover the profound sorrow hidden behind Maria's smile and beautiful songs.
It turns out she had lost five of her seven children, most of them at very young ages. The daughter who shared her name, Maria, was the one she was most fond of. She died at the age of seven after being bitten by dogs in a remote village, leaving her mother's heart forever shattered. The singer died at the age of 61, on stage, after deciding to proceed with her concert despite her poor health condition and constant pain. The people who saw her said they were unable to tell from her performance that anything was wrong with her. They, like the entire country, were in complete shock.
Stories like this teach us that often, the most compassionate and smiling people are the ones facing the greatest struggles in life. We should never judge someone by their appearance but instead try to get to know them, understand their real stories, and be there for them.
